.. my love..

the boyfriend has been keeping a beard and his hair long which has led to a stand-off between the both of us.. his argument for keeping that unruly mob of hair is that its his form of self- expression but i feel that he should keep himself neat and presentable for the school term and grow his hair however long during the holidays.. he thinks i am just imposing my views on him..irritaing man.. has he forgotten how teachers used to hound him to shave and go for haircuts during our MI days?

been busy like a bee lately with presentations and essays.. i need to shop for new dresses, shoes and maybe go for a manicure to keep my sanity.. once again, i am trapped in this semester-ly dilemma, damn sure that i can only taste sweet relief when i finish exams but at the same time, acutely aware of the immense boredom which will wash over me daily during the holidays.. i just want to turn into a cotton ball and fly away..

the boyfriend's birthday is coming up.. although, he does not make a fuss about his birthdays, i think it will still be nice to surprise him.. not only because of the fact that i am happy when he is but also, it will also remind him just how awesome his girlfriend then he will probably buy me that pretty bag which i have been eyeing at ion.. hahaha!!

have not been able to watch as many movies as i would have liked recently, but i managed to catch "my sister's keeper.." the movie's ending differed from that of the novel but somehow, that did not stop the tears from flowing.. i cannot help wondering, if there is ligation to snip fallopian tubes so as to avoid unwanted and unplanned pregnancies, is there some way to "ligate" tear ducts as well?

i just wrote this:

Colonialism has been a much debated topic and for many, the focus has always been centered on how it functioned as a tool of not only European superiority but also, a tool for substaining the European patriarchal society. There were instances in the novel which seemed to uphold patriarchal beliefs such as when it was mentioned in the novel that “the women members of the club had no votes.” This corresponded to our common belief of male domination and the helplessness of the women who were completely dependent on men for their survivor. Yet, after reading the novel, I felt that it made us looked at the position of the European women in a different light.

The women in the novel seemed to enforce a system of colonialism of their own. This “system of colonialism” was evident in the way the European women entertained certain beliefs and how they sought to impress them onto the behaviour of the white men around them or in the way they judged the natives. Elizabeth exemplified this in the way she chose to uphold her beliefs about the “white man.” This can be seen in “she was perfectly certain that that was not how white men ought to behave” and “she was grasping, dimly, that his views were not the views an Englishman should hold.” She also perpetuated this system of colonialism in the way she viewed marriage for it was said in the ending of the book that “her servants live in terror of her, although she speaks no Burmese” and “she fills with complete success the position for which Nature had designed her from the first, that of a burra memsahib.” To me, Elizabeth’s “colonialising” of her servants served as an re-enactment of the colonialism enforced by the European men. Here, it is suggested that the “white woman” functioned as a mirror for the “white man.”

Contrary to the image of a ”strong” woman created for the readers through her hunting trip with Flory, in her desperate attempts to find a husband in Flory and Verell respectively, Elizabeth perpetuated the stereotypical image of women who were completely dependent upon marriage for their livelihood. This hence contributes to the idea that as much as men relied on colonialism to maintain a sort of pride, women also embraced colonialism to maintain order in their lives. As much as the fact that there were changes being affected, the colonial women were unwilling to adapt to the outcomes which these changes might bring and therefore, perhaps strove to uphold colonialism more than the men did. The novel hence, I felt, brought out another truth which we might have neglected with the knowledge which we were being equipped with to look at colonialism. It made us look at the cupability of women which not many of us would have regarded given the fact that the European women were always portrayed as victims in one way or another.

Of course, the flux in the impressions which readers get of Elizabeth in the novel also points out the flux of language. The complexity of women as both victims and perpetrators shows that perhaps, there are more “truths” to be discovered and this is only possible through the use of language by other writers such as the Anglo- Indian other than the European himself.

i do not know what i have written and i think its bullshit but i am still damn proud of myself!

yesterday, i saw a friend whom i used to be close to in secondary school when i was on the bus.. its strange how even though we have not spoken for the longest time ever, there is always sadness in my heart whenever i bump into her throughout the years.. how do close friends become strangers? if i decide to be brave one day and step up to say hi to her, will she give me a smile? the weirdness of human relationshipss.. sometimes i wish i am a small yellow bird.. just like tweety bird.. cos birds do not need friends and they can fly wherever they want.. i want to fly wherever i want everytime i feel sadness descending upon me..

have not blogged in a while.. the problem with me and blogging is that i have always so much and i do not know where to begin so i usually just give up trying to pen down my thoughts altogether..

been really busy with school and tuition so much so that i find myself not responding to smses.. in fact, i think my phone bill will be a lot cheaper this month cos' i find myself a lot less dependent on my phone.. as much as it is the age of information technology, sometimes i enjoy the peace i have by not having my phone and laptop around me.. maybe i am not catching up with the trend but it really does not bother me in the least bit..

friends have been having troubles of the heart recently.. we all like to think of ourselves as mature young adults, i mean we are in the university after all and therefore, we should have a level of maturity comparable to the amount of education we have been receiving no? but i see my friend looking for love with the wrong men in the wrong places and it just amazes me that there is truth to the fact that all humans are idiots when it comes to matters of the heart regardless of any amount of education.. who says love is blind? really, i think love is retardation of the mind..

speaking of love, lately, i find myself being surprised by just how much i have mellowed over the years after dating the boyfriend.. its not that its a bad thing but i never thought i would change for love.. guess this shows, no matter how independent a woman can be, she still needs a man to fall back on..

the boyfriend and i are 6 years old!!! we celebrated it over 3 days with him taking me for a wonderful dinner at marche on the day itself followed by a night out on friday before ending it all with a visit to the asian civilisation museum on the last day! it was just so awesome because he kept everything a surprise till the every end! but it also means that i did not take pictures as i did not have my camera with me.. oh, and he made me girlfriend tickets for everyday of the month!









through the years, we have laughed and cried together, shouted and screamt at each other.. yet we have also grown with each other, learning to compromise and give in to one another.. as you have often said that i am your one and only, you are also my one and only, i love you boyfriend, thank you for coming into my life and making it better, thank you for etching a house in my heart and removing the sadness which resided in there for a long time..

my weds night is giving a huge headache.. there are both the champions league final and mambo happening!!! i am sooooooo torn between the two.. wanted to go down to zouk in the end cos ade and sab were there but they were going to leave for clarke quay.. haiz.. so yay as im watching the match but i cannot help bobbing to "summer rain" in my head.. this shows that i need a twin so that i can do everything and anything all at once!!!

on a happier note, the boyfriend bought me donuts and he surprised me with these sweets late last sunday night after going to Malaysia for paintball- ing.. he is so awesome!




poor boyfriend is not feeling so awesome today though cos he's down with a cold and he still has to work.. hope he gets well soon!! and i hope man united wins tonight too!!

i should be de-stressing for its the holidays after all but i find myself being so uptight about my tutees' results and all that stuff.. sometimes in addition to being a tutor to my 5 kids, i feel like i have a mirage of roles from being a counselor to being a third parent all at once.. there really is no easy money to be earned these days..

went out shopping with my aunt and she bought me some stuff, i love aunties especially mine cos they are so nice to me and it helps that we share a common interest in our adoration of bags, watches and dresses because it means that i have a never- ending of such presents from them! she bought the boyfriend and me dinner at kenny rogers.. while the standard of the service is deplorable, the food is really good! ok maybe not really but it has improved a lot from the last time i was there..

went to newton again for dinner with d and the boyfriend.. this time round, i have to say we picked the right stalls to get our stingray, chicken wings and satay.. its still like playing a game of roulette every single time i am there cos the stalls all look the same and i can never quite remember which are the ones i should be sticking with..

so it's a friday afternoon and i am sitting in my room spending time on this blog.. solitude is what i need most when i can feel the impending arrival of that time of the month.. who says women have it easy?

p.s. i am so happy kris allen won american idol!

i have watched both x-men: wolverine and star trek.. although hugh jackman is still sexy, i think i found a new sexy in chris pine who is captain kirk in the latter.. sexiness aside, i think the latter is a better movie simply because the former's plot is full of loop holes..

apart from movies, i think i have been eating too much cake and ice- cream, so no matter how i try to stay in shape by running regularly, the eating basically negates my efforts at maintaining a healthy lifestyle.. besides, try is really quite subjective as well..

lately, there is this one particular person i will like to beat up.. not going to mention names because given the voyeuristic nature of this person, i am pretty sure he will read (if he is not already reading) my blog at some point.. well, he just seems to take his friendships for granted.. we were there for him one way or another when he met with pitfalls in his relationship and even though he did not handle it too well, we overlooked the irrationality of his actions and continued to comfort and lend him a listening only to have him abuse all of it..

i am angry because it seems as if he is just making use of us and flinging us away to the ends of the earth when he has ran out of theartrics to milk our sympathies.. in fact right now, to a certain extent, i am even disgusted that i could be taken in by his projected dejectedness, whines and what's not..

some people just dun grow up..

after three weeks of tormenting my eyes as i rushed to finish my lit texts, the exams have ended, all that i have studied in the last few months just dissipated into a week of exams, life is unfair this way i guess..

this is me dying because the boyfriend always bullies me..

somehow when school starts, there seems to be time for everything esle but blogging.. on the other hand, there is never enough time to finish what i need to do, whether it's school work or just some time to breathe and lately, i feel exhausted.. when i get home every night, all i want to do is to collaspe into bed and hope that tomorrow never comes.. at least that's what i hope to be able to do but the reality is that i have going for runs because running makes me feel good.. the feeling of racing against the wind parallels me running the world.. nothing feels better than being a rebel, isn't it?

im going to teach when i graduate and sometimes, i laugh at myself because i simply cannot imagine the kind of teacher that i may be.. i have been fortunate to have met many wonderful teachers in my many years of education who have always encouraged me and providing me with the strength to achieve things which i never thought i could.. hopefully, i can be such a teacher.. i may not be able to help a whole class but as long as i help just one student, i think i will have achieved something..

things with the boyfriend have been good and as i grow older, i realised that nothing beats staying home on a sunday, watching some korean dramas and playing games on my DS lite.. some people say that a sudden crave for a simple life is a symptom of maturity.. maybe it is..